Romance in the Supermarket Aisles

Hello gentle readers.

It is Thursday evening here in Southern California and the weather looks good for the weekend.

Last night, I stopped at the local market to pick up some essential eats and things. Without the stop, I would have been hungry last night and tonight. That would be so wrong to miss dinner. Of course, I could have gone to the take home route but that seemed unfulfilling to me.

Anyway.

I changed markets after the first of the year. The old one had gotten a little shabby and the stock was not as well presented as it used to be. The new market is in much better physical condition.

It is also larger and I am still learning where everything is. I tend to wander while I shop.

Wandering is good if you want to look at women. I believe the market is an ideal location to check out women. Firstly, I can always be looking for some product and ask an interesting woman where the product is located. I make it a point to ask about something she already has in her cart of stuff.

Women like to aid helpless men and a man asking for directions is a near jackpot for them.

In my wanderings last night, I had noticed a young South Asian woman. It was extremely difficult to not notice her. She was wearing a bright red belly shirt and way too tight jeans that barely covered what needed to be covered. As many of you know, I am partial to Asian women.

Besides that, there was too much of a good thing to not look at her. I was also highly confident that she dressed the way she did with the specific intent of attracting attention from men. In that respect, she was extremely successful.

Our shopping carts nearly hit in one aisle. I was putting some cans of soup into my cart when she almost hit the cart. She was not paying attention to what she was doing at the time. I was in a good mood and smiling. She smiled back at me.

While I am happy with the Girl Friend, I just think it makes sense to have a backup plan for romance. This woman could play a key role in my romance backup plan, just like every good basketball coach has a starting five, he also has some good players on the bench, just in case.

When she smiled at me, I quickly checked out the third finger of her left hand. No ring and no sun tan lines either. Always an excellent sign that she may be single. All I needed now was an opportunity to chat up with her.

My chat opportunity developed two aisles later. Being an apparent South Asian, she was untall and was struggling to get a box of cereal off of the top shelf.

I offered to pick the box for her and she said thank you in a very melodic manner.

Perfecto.

As I handed the box to her, I watched her put it in her cart.

Then, I discovered the horror and humanity of it all.

Behind a pile of strictly feminine products, next to where the cereal box went, was a huge collection of Gerber baby food jars. There must have three dozen of them, including strained beets and peas. I know what a Gerber baby food jar looks like; I have handled lots when the Princess and the Big Guy were little and I feed them.

Could she be a single mother and therefore to be avoided at all costs? Or was she just shopping for her mother [and thus making her too young for me]?

Thanks to my excellent training as an officer in the Navy to handle emergency situtations, I reacted instinctively. I made no move towards starting a conversation. If I didn’t speak with her, I could avoid the single motherhood possibilities. She started to do some talking with me and I quickly looked for a polite way out.

I faked a cell phone call from the Big Guy. She stuck around until I was finished with the call. I decided to go for the final resolution. I said, “That was my son. He was just checking in with me.”

She thought that was good for him.

We chatted for a bit more until she asked how old my son was. I smiled some more and said, “You are probably old enough to be one of his friends. He’s 25.” I think that ended any chance I had with her because she excused herself and walked off in another direction.

I was glad because I dodged the possible evil bullet.

Full and fair disclosure: I have nothing against babies. The Princess and the Big Guy were babies once and I changed them and feed them and did all of the other things a good father is supposed to do. Having once done that, I have no desire to do that again. After all, once you change diapers on a baby with lower digestive tract distress, it doesn’t get any better the second time around. The only small children that I want in my life are usually called grandchildren and they can be handed back to their parents when they start to leak or get cranky.

So gentle readers, I am off to check my email. I will see you next on Sunday with the Weekend Update.

Be well and stay happy.